#Jokes

Humour and jokes only a Kenyan will understand.

A manly dilema: To marry or not to marry the Nairobi girl

Posted by Group Kenya on Tuesday, May 16, 2017 at 10:54 am

Nairobi girls are a nuisance. Nairobi girls are a burden. Nairobi girls are complicated. There are only two ways a Nairobi girl shows any interest in you; if you have a fat wallet, or if you look like Idris Elba. And I – the son of a mere hustler and works in mjengo – am […]

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Differences between men and women

Posted by Joseph Strong on Thursday, January 5, 2017 at 10:26 am

1. A man will pay Kshs. 1000 for a Kshs. 500 item he wants. A woman will pay Kshs. 500 for a Kshs. 1000 item that she doesn’t want. 2. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. 3. A […]

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Compiled tweets on CS Fred Matiangi

Posted by Group Kenya on Friday, December 30, 2016 at 7:14 pm

1. Matiangi can vie for presidency and win when Raila and Uhuru are still fighting on whether to use manual or electronic devices #KCSE2016 2. CS Fred Matiangi has set a record of being the only CS whose trended twice in a year and not for CORRUPTION! 3. Give MATIANGI the health sector,, he will […]

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Pesa Sio Shida! Size 8 And DJ Mo Spend Half A Million On Daughter’s First Birthday

Posted by Magufuli wa Kenya on Friday, November 25, 2016 at 6:41 pm

Size 8 and DJ Mo are turning out to be dotting parents. To celebrate their daughter turning a year older, the gospel couple spent lavishly on their litto tot. Size 8 and DJ Mo spared no expense for their Ladasha Belle who is also earning her own money. Ladasha bagged a million bob brand endorsement […]

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Stop calling your significant other “Bae”

Posted by Group Kenya on Thursday, November 24, 2016 at 5:58 pm

After an extensive search and research below are the right meanings of the term #Bae less informed and confused “Baes” have been misusing this term for quite some time. 1. #Bae is a Danish word for poop, also used by people on the internet who think it means baby, sweetie etcetera. 2. #Bae – Biggest […]

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Types of users you will find on Facebook. Which are you?

Posted by Group Kenya on Saturday, November 19, 2016 at 6:56 pm

1) The “Lurker” – Never posts anything or comments on your post, but reads everything, and might make reference to your status if they see you in public. 2) The “Hyena” – Doesn’t ever really say anything, just LOLs and LMAOs at everything. 3) “Mr/Ms Popular” – Has 4367 friends for NO reason. 4) The […]

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Video Showing A Woman Carrying An Abortion Using Crude Metals, See This

Posted by Magufuli wa Kenya on Wednesday, November 16, 2016 at 2:58 pm

A woman in her third-trimester of pregnancy has shocked social media after recording herself trying to induce an abortion. In a video that she recorded on her phone, the woman who is dressed in a loose silk nightie is hitting her baby bump with a hammer. Her intentions have shocked Kenyans who are widely calling […]

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HUMOUR: Trump faces hard time on his first day at the oval office

Posted by Group Kenya on Thursday, November 10, 2016 at 1:10 pm

First briefing by the CIA, Pentagon and FBI: Trump: We must destroy ISIS immediately. No delays. CIA: We cannot do that, sir. We created them along with Turkey, Saudi, Qatar and others. Trump: The Democrats created them. CIA: We created ISIS, sir. You need them or else you would lose funding from the natural gas […]

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HUMOUR: Letter to Luos in the US of A following Donald Trumps electoral victory

Posted by Group Kenya on Wednesday, November 9, 2016 at 8:33 pm

Dear Luos in the Diaspora, You thought you escaped our corruption, our tribalism, our unemployment, our money laundering scandals by bleaching, changing your names, going to Amerka and speaking with your nose donge? Have you packed your bags already? Because Misee Donald Trump pia doesn’t look like anapenda ojinga. We still remember you with your […]

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Kenyans Voted The Ugliest People The World In A South African Poll.

Posted by Madebe on Wednesday, November 9, 2016 at 1:55 pm

It came as a shock as South Africans voted Kenya as the country with the ugliest people in Africa last weekend. An article that appeared on the Pretorian bird, entertainment section claims Kenya has the funniest looking president on earth, and a VP with a strange looking head. It goes on to say that Kikuyu […]

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HUMOUR: Description ya Wife Material

Posted by Group Kenya on Friday, October 21, 2016 at 4:00 pm

– Wife material ni Yule dem anaeza pigwa picha kwa shamba sio hizi mitungi za guarana na nguo nkama ako uchi, we may feel prestigiuos hanging out with you but ikifika ni kuoa tutaenda ocha. – Wife material ni dem jealous, how can you see me with other women and you ain’t jealous? Unless you […]

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HUMOUR: Ukiuliza Wahindi wakamilishe methali, utajua hata wao hawapendi ujinga

Posted by Group Kenya on Friday, October 21, 2016 at 3:34 pm

1. Nyani haoni:- valise miwani. 2. Debe tupu :- weka dengu. 3. Maskini akipata :- itaacha iba jumbani. 4. Penye kuku wengi :- Chinja bili au tatu. 5. Asiyesikia la mkuu :- Peleka yeye polisi. 6. Penye wengi :- iko kutano ya JUBILEE. 7. Penye fujo :- hapo iko CORD. 8. Bandu bandu? :- Baba […]

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Advice to those who want to marry a lady from Luyha community

Posted by Group Kenya on Friday, October 21, 2016 at 10:31 am

Kwa wale Wanaume wanataka kuoa kwa waluhya, get your facts here…. ✅Ukitaka bibi anapenda ukulima, tafuta bukusu. ✅Ukitaka bibi anapenda usafi na pesa tafuta maragoli. ✅Ukitaka bibi atavumilia shida zako zote tafuta isukha. ✅Ukitaka bibi anapenda kelele tafuta kabras. ✅Ukitaka bibi msomi, enda samia. ✅Ukitaka bibi maringo enda Bunyore. ✅Ukitaka bibi domodomo but hard working, […]

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Sipendi ujinga na hawapendi ujinga … (Second installment)

Posted by Group Kenya on Tuesday, October 11, 2016 at 7:31 pm

1. Mlevi anapanda gari alafu conda anamuuliza, “na hii ulevi yako utaenda mbinguni kweli, “mlevi akamjibu, “kama mnaenda mbinguni simamisha gari nishuke Mimi naenda tu apa ngara. PIA MLEVI HAPENDI UJINGA! 2. Juzi neighbor yangu alikuja akaniambia nipunguze sauti ya radio anataka kulala.Jana akipika chapoo na mimi nkamwambia apunguze harufu ya chapati nataka kula ugali. […]

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Maoni ya mkenya …

Posted by Group Kenya on Tuesday, October 11, 2016 at 1:51 pm

Mimi naona kazi ya polisi ni kuibia to wanachi, they don’t care about our well being as Kenyan citizens, mitungi, naona better mshahara yao ipunguzwe. Mimi naona kanjo askaris watolewe, they just kill and beat women for no reason, we should have a way to solve hawkers’ issues. Mimi naona hii body inajiita NTSA ni […]

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MEME OF THE DAY: Hata bae wa bro pia hapendi ujinga

Posted by Frank Frank on Friday, October 7, 2016 at 8:59 pm

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Sisi hua hatupendi ujinga …

Posted by Group Kenya on Thursday, October 6, 2016 at 3:33 pm

During an English lesson, the teacher instructed us to write a composition. Assume you are in a war, write a story on your experience? I didn’t write anything and kept seated. the teacher got puzzled, walked to my desk and asked me why I was not writing. I replied, “Teacher, I got killed immediately…” Mi […]

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VIDEO: How the brain of a fisi works…

Posted by Group Kenya on Wednesday, October 5, 2016 at 7:13 pm

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Humour: Mimi huwa sipendi ujinga …

Posted by Group Kenya on Wednesday, October 5, 2016 at 1:43 pm

Nimepeleka Maji Kwa Bafu Ndio Minyoo idhani Naenda Kuoga Alafu Nikaenda Kwa Kibanda Polepole Nikakula Nyama Kama Hazijui Mi sipendangi ujinga Sana Sana kwa tuminyoo tunanibeba ni Kama Mimi sikusoma. Eti Mwalimu ananiuliza swali ili kuona kama najua lugha ya Wazazi wangu, “hivi Mbu mnawaitaje kule kwenu?,” Nikamjibu : huwa hatuwaiti ila wanakuja wenyewe. Sipendi […]

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Humour: When lunatics board an aircraft …

Posted by Group Kenya on Tuesday, October 4, 2016 at 4:32 pm

A pilot was transporting a bunch of lunatics from Nairobi to a psychiatric facility in Johannesburg, South Africa. The madmen were making noise and suddenly, one of them entered the Pilots Cabin; LUNATIC: Teach me how to fly a plane! PILOT: I would, but under one condition. LUNATIC: What? PILOT: If you can get your […]

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