#Jokes

Humour and jokes only a Kenyan will understand.

Chemistry teachers wakikatiana

Posted by Group Kenya on Monday, September 26, 2016 at 4:11 pm

KACHERO : Baby gal, are you an atom (single) LADY : Yes, a free atom of valency 1 (very reactive and easily irritated on water and fears bathing because water reacts with her skin.) KACHERO : Thats scary and explosive. LADY : Just kidding. I am of valency 4. If you lose me I neither […]

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Proud to be Kikuyu, how we renamed places we could not pronounce as the British

Posted by Group Kenya on Sunday, September 18, 2016 at 6:28 pm

Royal Suburb- *Roysambu* Look mum- *Rukuma* Remote Route-*Rumuruti* Carry your bag- *Kariobangi* Cricket – *Kirigiti* Asian well – *Icaweri* Move straight- *Mufuteti* Tha great corner- *Dagoreti corner* Career Corps – *Kariokor* U Can go free (where the maumau detainees were set free in Nyeri – *Kangubiri* Tim Blowers (plastic company near Kericho) – *Timboroa* Mughes […]

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Why men of the Generation-Y millenium should spend less on their women

Posted by Group Kenya on Sunday, September 18, 2016 at 6:23 pm

A). From a technological point of view: Ladies are Malicious programs (Virus) so Guys nowadays Encrypt their wallets and pockets with strong passwords to deny hackers from sending viruses which is costly. Smart technology phased out writing letters on papers which involved buying papers & envelopes, now you just seat on Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp etc […]

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If Kenya was to ban smoking in public …

Posted by Group Kenya on Wednesday, September 14, 2016 at 6:38 pm

After public smoking was banned in Kenya, each County was assigned the duty of posting notices in Kiswahili to that effect. See how different counties posted their notice: 1:The Mombasa County wrote: Uvutaji wa sigara umepigwa marufuku kuanzia leo.Watakaopatikana wakikiuka amri hii wataadhibiwa kwa mujibu wa sheria. Nyote zingatieni. 2: The Kiambu County: Wanyuanji wa […]

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Why Kalenjins love the brown leather jacket

Posted by Group Kenya on Wednesday, September 7, 2016 at 12:45 pm

1. It is expensive and is seen as a class on it’s own (costs over KES 2000) 2. It is favorable for both cold and warm conditions, wet or dry too. 3. Cannot get dirty easily and is easy to clean. Just wipe the fabric and it is good as new. 4. It matches perfectly […]

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All time greatest team mafisi proverbs and sayings

Posted by Group Kenya on Tuesday, September 6, 2016 at 4:21 pm

1. Sijawahi lala na dem mwingine aki ya nani. 2. Huyo dem ni cuzo yangu distant, I think sjawahi kushow. 3. Tucheze “truth or dare” na hakuna kukataa chochote. 4. I am looking for a chick to marry. 5. Mimi huenda VCT kupimwa like every 2 months. 6. Come kwangu ntakupea push jioni. 7. Mara […]

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Tunavyofunzwa kuishi mjini…

Posted by Group Kenya on Thursday, September 1, 2016 at 4:35 pm

Kuna mkaka nilimkopesha pesa kwa ahadi kuwa baada ya wiki moja atanirejeshea pesa zangu. Baada ya wiki moja nampigia simu hapokei simu zangu, nimempigia zaidi ya mara kumi (10) bila ya mafanikio! Kila nikimpigia simu hajibu simu zangu, nikahamua kumwandikia message kwa WhatsApp…! _Hello jimmy Nakupigia simu sio kukudai pesa zangu, ila nataka kukwambia kuwa […]

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KNOW YOUR GOD: Welcome to Africa, where typing Amen to a post makes you a billionaire

Posted by Group Kenya on Sunday, August 28, 2016 at 7:12 pm

♻ Welcome to Africa where typing Amen to a Pastor’s prayers on Facebook will save you from your village witches and make you a billionaire. ♻ Welcome to Africa where Jesus Christ sends you a Whatsapp message and threatens to kill you if you do not send it to 20 people. ♻ The most Annoying […]

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HUMOUR: 8 Interesting facts you may not know about Paul Pogba of Manchester United

Posted by Group Kenya on Saturday, August 20, 2016 at 1:39 pm

(1) When pogba was 3 years he had 8 legs and octopus had 2, so he gave octopus 6 of his legs. (2) At 8 months, jogging up and down Mount Everest every morning was his hobby. (3) He was to be born twins but he came out first and closed his mother’s womb, the […]

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Asking for advice? Here is the difference between a Kenyan and American facebook post

Posted by Group Kenya on Saturday, August 20, 2016 at 1:12 pm

AMERICAN POST: Hello, my name is Sandra Stone, I am from New York, I love my husband so much and I can do anything to please him. But recently I am falling for his cousin, what should I do? AMERICAN COMMENTS: James Silva: I think you need to talk to your husband because marriage is […]

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Sunday humour: Did the priest lie?

Posted by Group Kenya on Sunday, July 31, 2016 at 6:00 pm

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her: “Father, may I ask a favor?” Priest: “Of course. What may I do for you? Woman: “Well, I bought an expensive woman’s electronic hair dryer for my mother’s birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I’m afraid […]

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Utajuaje hauhitaji bibi?

Posted by Group Kenya on Friday, July 29, 2016 at 1:01 pm

Kama wewe unakojolea mkebe ya kasuku au besheni usiku. Boss hii uoga yote utalinda bibi kivipi? Kama unalala na ngumi mbili katikati ya miguu. My friend kulala sio vita. Kama wikendi unaweza jiwashia jiko alafu upike githeri yako vizuri….hahaha sioni bibi hapo ndugu yangu. Kama uko na kitambi na haukunywi pombe hakuna bibi atakupikia hiyo […]

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What if boobs were detachable, washable and share-able? Private thoughts of a private Kenyan voice

Posted by Group Kenya on Thursday, July 28, 2016 at 3:14 pm

Can you imagine what life would be like if boobs were detachable, washable and share-able? Imagine you are in a girls’ boarding school and it is a Saturday or Sunday afternoon. Everyone has washed their boobs and hang them out to dry. Those clean girls, we all know that kind.. already soaked theirs in jik […]

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Maasai chronicles …

Posted by Group Kenya on Saturday, July 23, 2016 at 1:58 pm

A bus is going from Nairobi to Mombasa. Suddenly the phone of one girl rings, she picks up and says, “Honey am on my way to Kakamega for a burial, please send me some money.” Another phone rings and a guy behind says, “Sweetheart am on my way to Eldoret for the masters degree form, […]

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Open letter from a back-bencher: Dear classmate who sits at the front

Posted by Group Kenya on Monday, July 18, 2016 at 11:58 am

Dear classmate who sits at the front of the class (near the lecturer) with a blue pen, red pen, a ruler, pencil and a 200 pages exercise book for a three month course, Receive greetings from us back-benchers, who come to class with a full-scap, on a good day-since many times, we arrive in class […]

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Some info you should know about Kisii ladies

Posted by Group Kenya on Saturday, July 9, 2016 at 6:13 pm

1. Bonchari will make good loyal wives but you’ll never be at peace with your mum and neighbors. Wanapenda vitina sana. 2. Bobasi make the best wives. However be prepared to host their relatives. They’ll follow up to the sixth relationship. 3. Bomachoge will most probably be witches. Oborogi iko mingi huko. 4. South Bogirango […]

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How to avoid being a side-chick

Posted by Group Kenya on Monday, July 4, 2016 at 1:23 pm

Ladies want to date an established financially secure man, then when they later find out the man is married, they act all surprised and hurt claiming that they thought he was single and claiming that all men are dogs. Men are not dogs. It is ladies who are hard headed and never listen. You already […]

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10 differences between a sponsor and a fisi

Posted by Group Kenya on Thursday, June 30, 2016 at 6:04 pm

1. (a) A sponsor parks his Benz at the road side then sermons you over like a dog, “Wewe Musichana mrebo kuja nkuabie” when you come over he stares at you like a hungry vulture. (b) A fisi sees you walking around, walks over or sprints to catch up with you then behaves like an […]

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BEEF: Kikuyu women vs Luo women

Posted by Group Kenya on Wednesday, June 29, 2016 at 5:11 pm

1. When hubby gets a pay rise: a) Luo woman: Sweety, we can no longer live in Umoja with all this filth. Let’s move to Westlands where we really belong. b) Kikuyu woman: Sweetheart, let’s save all the additional pay and buy that plot we’ve longed for in 5 years instead of 10 years. 2. […]

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How some people make gossip sound like prayer

Posted by Group Kenya on Sunday, June 26, 2016 at 6:23 pm

They start like this… “People Of God, let’s remember Brother Raphael in our Prayers. He has Gonorrhea and doctors said they are even screening him for HIV too, but we know that our God can heal him… so brothers and sisters let’s pray for Divine healing, pray… pray…” “Brethren let’s also pray for sister Amanda […]

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